i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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