Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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