dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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