This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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