new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
