am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
