I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
