I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
