Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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