My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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