Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's like heaven, but drunker
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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