how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
