and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
