Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
wow bdsm is so cute
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
