you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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