shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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