goodnight i made you a song goodbye
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
