Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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