I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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