I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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