btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
