she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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