my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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