So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
