2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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