Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
