nut hugger
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
