No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
