Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
