If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
