evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
