so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
