I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
