Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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