Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
