Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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