Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
