He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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