I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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