I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
