Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
