So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
