your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
