Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
