you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
