Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
