im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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