Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
