After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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