had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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