He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
