So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
