If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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