maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
